Are you quick to respond?
In our attempt to explain ourselves to our spouses, children, friends, team members, bosses, etc, we respond too quickly.
This proves that we are not interested in what they feel or think. Our immediate response is to defend ourselves as though these people are our enemies.
Listen with empathy and respond with insight.
Some time ago, I had a conversation with a friend. The conversation didn’t end well because there was no empathy.
Friend: I like this new you. I like that you don’t just say what is on your mind.
Me: I am growing so I don’t have to respond or react to everything people do to me.
Friend: That is good to know.
Me: As a matter of fact, I am learning to meet people at the point they meet me.
Friend: I sense this is a straight bullet to me.
Me: Not at all. I am only behaving like you behave towards me.
Friend: After assessing our friendship, I was contemplating about my position as your good friend.
Me: Why would you think of that?
Friend: The amount of energy I invest in this friendship is not the same as yours. You don’t invest an equal amount of energy.
Me: This has been your thoughts all this while and you never asked me about it.
Friend: It wasn’t my intention to even bring this up but the direction of the conversation made me mention it.
At this point, I was boiling with anger.
My friend may have a legitimate claim but the moment I sensed that my friendship has been judged insincere, I switched to a defence mode. I was no longer listening to understand. I was only listening to find a point where I could attack.
One who listens with empathy is patient, mindful, self-aware, wise and non-judgemental.
Listening with empathy goes beyond what the ears hear. It extends to what the eyes and heart are communicating.
When you don’t listen with empathy, you fail to respond with insight.
How does one listen with empathy
- Make sure you don’t focus on you. Focus on the speaker and understand him or her from his or her perspective.
- Don’t invalidate whatever emotions he or she may be feeling at that particular point. You may not understand but learn to tolerate them.
- Be self-aware. Most often, we tend not to listen with empathy when people highlight a weakness we may have. When you know yourself and you know these weaknesses, you are not quick to defend yourself. You accept people’s viewpoint and reflect on them.
- Be patient. You can only understand people when you have patiently listened to their views. In your attempt to fix them up, you break them. They don’t need a quick fix. They need someone who can understand them.
What did I miss?
I want to hear from you, my dear readers.
